My Mother Hates me

I think the only joy in her life is to stick her claws down into my flaws and rip me up. Over stupid stuff too, like she'll throw stuff and yell and cuss about how she wishes she never had me and how she hates me, over what? Putting the bowls in the wrong direction in the dishwasher, like one way doesnt clean better than the other and they both fit the same amount of bowls in them.
Today it was that I didnt close my doucuments on the computer fast enough. It wouldnt be so bad, the yelling it is, if she didnt attack unrelated things in her rages, like my grades, my personal social life, how i look and dress, how i spend my time, or something really heartfelt i said to her- everything has a flaw. Lets say i did a load or two of laundry that morning, she would do something like, "B**** I need to use the computer! Get the f*** off it! (insert various ranting here) You cant do anything right! Cant even fold clothes you little b*** I'm going to have to go through and iron half of my tops because your to retarted to know not to leave them in the dryer overnight!"
Several of my friends are afraid to comeover to my house because they've seen her "loose it" and freak out at me. Heck, my older half-sister; Marylin she doesnt even come home anymore because of it.
But when she isnt being a sociopath she is a really nice woman- I think she's bipolar, they said another symptom is exsessive spending- Yeah, stuff like; After her surgery she was out of work for more than a year( she's just now about to recive her first paycheck) and as soon as she could move she went out and bought all this new furniture and expensive shoes, everyone else is trying to figure out how o pay the house payment and eat.
She doesnt apologize or say she didnt mean it or anything later. I'm not human enough to recive an apology or be treated as a real person.
Someday she will be sorry, when she relizes how she has treated me and how she destroyed our relationship. I like to think of that when she gets like that, that even though she hurts me now someday she will relize what she's done.
Someday everyone will relize it, Marylin for abandoning me; my famialy for ignoreing it, everyone willl get it someday- I hope their arnt such hash relazations waiting for me.

I guess the reader thinks I'm a jerk, really though, If I could capture her in words you wuld understand, or maybe not, maybe you all have nice mothers that pay for your lunch and tell you they love you and how they hope everything turns out OK for you. Maybe you don't have to walk around on eggshells in your own home, hopeing today you dont push her over the edge into something drastic.
I know this sounds cruel but i hope i'm not compleatly alone in this.